Dr Sunitha Ilinani. Image is only for representation purpose
My patients sleep and wake up with just one wish— the wish to become parents. Being a fertility specialist, I have seen and felt childless couples’ all- consuming desire for their biological children.
When I decided to be a gynecologist, I was determined to help childless couples in conceiving their own biological child. My training as a fertility specialist was rigorous. We deal with oocytes and embryos which are not even visible with the naked eyes. Every step in Intro vitro fertilization is crucial and delicate and requires precision. The process of extracting eggs, preparing the woman’s body for embryo transplant, and then transplanting an embryo in her uterus is quite painful.
Also, a woman is anxious about the result throughout the process, which may affect the result of the procedure. During my training, I realized I would be dealing with a lot of desperation, frustrations, and failures –my patients’ and as well as mine.
But then, I also knew that the joy I will get from every successful childbirth would be boundless. This is exactly how it has turned out to be in my 20 years of journey as a fertility specialist.
During my training, I realized I would be dealing with a lot of desperation, frustrations, and failures –my patients’ and as well as mine. But then, I also knew that the joy I will get from every successful childbirth would be boundless.
I remember this one patient of mine, who had multiple fibroids all over her uterus. From the ultrasound, I could figure that even if we were successful in developing embryos, implanting them in her uterus would be difficult. I told her that her chances of conceiving post- IVF would be close to nil. IVF is a painful process and has quite an impact on a woman’s body. So, I was reluctant to let her go through all that discomfort. But she was adamant. She told me she would accept the result even if it is negative, but she desperately wanted to try once.
So, we went ahead. Her entire uterus was affected by fibroids. Even to extract the eggs from her ovary, we had to take the abdominal route. We fertilized the eggs with her husband’s sperm and in five days we had blastocytes. They were beautiful. Honestly, I was scared of transplanting the embryos into her uterus. I asked a fellow gynecologist to be by my side. With the help of ultrasound, we found about a cm long area on the wall of her uterus which was not affected by fibroids. This area was towards the upper side of her uterus. That was our only chance.
Two weeks later, she was pregnant. Eight months later, she delivered a beautiful baby boy. It was miraculous.
Then there are times, when I get patients, whose reports are promising but still, we don’t get the desired result.
What I feel terrible about is the fact that even today, women are pressurized to become a mother, even in well-educated families. They are often blamed for not conceiving a child, even when the male partner has some medical issue. I feel bad when I get patients as young as 25 years old, complaining that they could not conceive in the first two-three years of their marriage. Why should a young woman be pressurized to go for IVF? Why should a woman be pressurized so much for bearing a child?
I have seen women breaking down due to their failure to conceive. I want to them that they have a life beyond a child. When you decide to marry someone, you do it primarily because you want to share your life with the other person. Children are important; they do bring a lot of happiness and joy, but you cannot blame a woman for not being able to give birth.
I strongly feel that the thought of wanting to be a mother is enough. That’s what makes a woman a mother, even if the child in your lap is not biologically yours.
Adoption is a choice. I strongly feel that the thought of wanting to be a mother is enough. That’s what makes a woman a mother, even if the child in your lap is not biologically yours.
(The writer is senior consultant infertility and ART Specialist at Apollo Fertility, Hyderabad. Views expressed are her personal.)